I'm convinced it must be something astrological....

Red doesn't like me.

It would seem that most people can wear this color with at least some degree of success. There is even an evil rumor circulating that says there is a shade of red for everyone.

To this, I answer with a hearty, albeit envious, "Bullshit!".

I can't wear red. I've tried every conceivable shade of this demonic color, from the darkest oxblood to the brightest alizarin. I've tried all of the hues that are supposedly perfect for people with 'cool' coloring. It ain't happenin', folks. It just ain't happenin'.

A couple of days ago, on a crazy, post-holiday sale whim, I bought a red button-down shirt at Old Navy off the sale rack. I held it up to me in front of the mirror in the store, and I willed myself to think that the blue-red shade looked good on me. I wanted a red shirt, dammit. I'm tired of being left out by the Red Crowd. So I defiantly bought it. Blue-red is supposedly my perfect shade of red.

This morning I put my new red shirt on with my jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror and immediately noticed how tired and old I looked. I put on some makeup, still hopeful that I could look fabulous in this red shirt. Nope. Then I noticed something else: I didn't feel so good. Really tired and a bit achy. And grouchy. No, not grouchy...bitchy. I felt old, tired, achy and bitchy. And suddenly, I couldn't get that damn red shirt off quick enough. For all I know, I popped some buttons getting it off, and then flung it disgustedly onto the bed. I replaced it with a thermal henley in a soft, dove gray shade. Suddenly, I felt better. I looked better. And I felt the bitchiness leave my body

I took the red shirt, put it on a hanger, and shoved it unceremoniously into the back of my closet where I can't see it. Maybe my sister will want it.